


the me that's reflecting on the mirror seems unfamiliar

by thequietrecluse



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I'm just really bad at tagging, M/M, Overworking, i literally copied her tags because i'm unoriginal like that :D, i love and adore her SO much, she gifted me two fics and this is my present to her, she's 99 line, this is a gift for my french twin, this is also not as angsty as i made it seem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-04 00:53:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17294570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequietrecluse/pseuds/thequietrecluse
Summary: Chan overworks himself and ends up fainting in Jihoon's arms.





	the me that's reflecting on the mirror seems unfamiliar

**Author's Note:**

  * For [humeurvagabonde](https://archiveofourown.org/users/humeurvagabonde/gifts).



> Iris, I know this doesn't have the right kind of kiss you wanted, but I couldn't fit it in. I also made sure to post this while I knew you were asleep so that I could surprise you in the morning (for you, haha) so... Surprise?
> 
> *Title taken from Dino's "Zero"*

Chan stared at himself in the mirror. His face was gaunt; his mouth was slack from exhaustion, and his eyes had shadows that seemed larger than life itself. His sweaty figure was unsteady and shaking, seemingly one second away from collapsing. Behind him, on the wall, the clock ticked ever closer to four in the morning.

How long had he been here? Chan couldn’t remember. Practice ended at... what, midnight? One? They’d already learned the choreography, so practice today was just cleaning it and making sure it was up to the high standards they had made for themselves. He’d been having an unusually difficult time mastering the choreography, but today had been really rough for him; no matter how many times he tried to fix it, he still looked off. He wasn’t hitting the moves sharply enough. He didn’t have the right visuals when he danced. He was a beat behind the others.

If Soonyoung-hyung noticed, he didn’t say anything. That just made Chan feel worse. He adored his hyung, but he was known for being an absolute perfectionist and being ruthless in getting his members to reach his level of perfection. If he didn’t say anything to Chan the entire time, then that meant his hyung thought he was too far behind to bother correcting the minor things like he’d been doing to the others. It only gave him even more reason to stay behind to work on his dance.

He didn’t meet any of his hyungs’ eyes as he waited around for them to leave. Slowly, one by one, they left, seemingly wanting to say something to him but ultimately deciding not to. Finally, it was just Chan, alone, in a large, empty dance room. Alone with his fears and insecurities.

Finally coming back to the present, Chan blinked away the exhaustion threatening to cut his practice time short. He didn’t have time to waste. They had a schedule in four hours, and he needed to get this down now before dance practice the next day--or later today, technically. He restarted the music again.

And again.

And again.

Until it was nearing six in the morning. Every part of him wanted to just collapse and sleep, if only for twenty minutes, but he pushed forward. He needed to get this done. He needed to get this  _ right.  _

The sound of the door opening startled Chan, making him stumble haphazardly. Dimly, he heard a startled gasp before someone had caught him, holding him firmly against his chest.

“Chan-ah, have you been here since dance practice ended?” Huh. He wasn’t sure that he’d ever heard Jihoon-hyung this worried before.

“Chan-ah, did you hear me? Have you been here since dance practice last night?”

“Wa...Was it last night? Or was it this morning? I can’t tell anymore,” Chan slurred, already being rocked into slumber in his hyung’s grasp.

Jihoon let out a sharp hiss. “Chan-ah,” he began, “you can’t keep doing this to yourself.”

How could he say that to him? “I have to,” Chan mumbled, burying his head in Jihoon-hyung’s shoulder. “I’m not good enough.” 

There was a pause. It made “You think so too, right hyung? I wasn’t good enough. Not today. I had to stay here and work on it. I didn’t want to hold the hyungs back.”

As he succumbed to sleep, he could distantly hear the sound of a sob as the arms around him tightened protectively.

  
  
  


He woke up to bright sunlight filling the room. Disoriented, he blinked a few times, watching as his surroundings came into view. He was lying on a comfortable bed, tucked in so many blankets that he felt like a little kid. He was staring at the bottom of a familiar bunk in an equally familiar room. Why was he in his room at the dorms? Didn’t they have a schedule today? What day was it? Was it even still today? 

As if on cue, the door opened and Seungkwan walked in, startling when he saw Chan. “Chan, you’re awake!” He exclaimed, rushing to his side.

“Wha... what happened?” Chan asked timidly, scared to hear Seungkwan’s response.

All he got was a sarcastic eye roll, though Chan knew it wasn’t mean-spirited. “What did you think happened? You overworked yourself and collapsed when Jihoon-hyung went to check up on you. We brought you back to the dorms to rest.”

“What about our schedules?” Chan panicked, beginning to sit up, only for Seungkwan to shove him back down.

“We told the fans you were injured and you’d be resting for the rest of this week,” Seungkwan said, matter-of-fact. “Which, technically, you were. And you will stay in this bed or so help me god, we will put you on house arrest. And don’t think we won’t do it, either; Jeonghan-hyung was probably two seconds away from strapping you to a bed and hand feeding you like the baby he says you are. Not to mention Jihoon-hyung.” Seungkwan shivered. “He was so scary.”

Chan frowned. “What did hyung do?” 

Seungkwan glanced around conspiratorially as if Jihoon-hyung was going to burst in any minute. “He got the company to push back our comeback.”

Again, Chan tried to sit upright, but Seungkwan caught him again, shoving him down into the pillows with an audible murmur of “seriously, idiot, stay  _ down. _ ”

“He didn’t,” Chan insisted weakly. “I can do it, I can make the deadline, don’t tell me Jihoon-hyung pushed back the comeback, I can--”

“Can what?” Seungkwan interrupted, eyes blazing. “You’re going to  _ rest,  _ Lee Chan. You have no idea how terrified we were when Jihoon-hyung called us and told us you practically fainted and he couldn’t wake you up. We’re not blind, Chan-ah. We know how hard you’ve been working, and we hoped you would know when to stop and get some rest. We didn’t check up on you until it was too late, and we’re sorry for that.” 

Guilt swept over him like a wave. He opened his mouth to speak, but Seungkwan, clearly anticipating what he was going to say, rushed, “None of it’s your fault. You didn’t want us to know, and we let you think that. It’s our fault for not stepping in. How can we take care of each other if we’re too afraid to even talk to each other about our concerns?”

“Okay,” Chan relented, leaning back into the pillows. “So, I’m just on bedrest for the rest of the week?”

“Not unless you force us to,” Seungkwan cracked a grin. “So just trust us and don’t go anywhere near the practice rooms until next week, okay?”

He sighed. He  _ really  _ didn’t want to. He was tempted to just ignore Seungkwan and take this extra time to practice. They knew he was a perfectionist, so him spending a little extra time before each comeback to perfect everything shouldn’t be anything new.

But... it had never been this bad before. He’d never fainted before. He couldn’t imagine what his hyungs felt when Jihoon-hyung called them. He’d probably worried them all to death, and having to constantly keep an eye on him to make sure he wasn’t going back to the practice rooms would make them even more stressed. If he was being honest, the fact that they were letting him even leave the bed for the rest of the week was a miracle. 

Finally, he sighed. “Okay, I promise.”

  
  
  


He wasn’t surprised to see the posts wishing for his recovery, or the way his hyungs were taking special care of him (Soonyoung even sent him a detailed list of what he needed to work on for the choreography--with a note saying, “Jeonghan-hyung will kill me AND you if you practice in the dorms, so don’t! ^_^ ”) or how the managers sent him a text every half hour asking if he needed anything.

What  _ did  _ surprise him was how Jihoon was treating him. Chan wasn’t oblivious to the older’s gaze following him around in the dorms, the way his body always angled towards him and his mouth was sometimes open as if wanting to say something but never making a sound. He knew that him fainting on Jihoon had been traumatic at best, and now he was probably trying his best not to be overbearing and overprotective. He just didn’t expect there to be so much  _ conflict  _ in his hyung’s eyes when he saw him. Like something inside him had drastically changed when he fainted. It made Chan nervous. He knew that him fainting had affected everyone, he couldn’t be selfish and expect otherwise, but Jihoon seemed fundamentally changed, and it didn’t seem like a good change. The last thing Chan wanted was for his relationship with Jihoon-hyung to ruin all the hard work they’ve put into Seventeen.

So, when his week of rest was up, and Chan was given the seal of approval by every one of his hyungs but one, he made his way to the recording studio, where he knew Jihoon was doing a final run-through of the EP before the comeback to make sure everything was perfect.

Jihoon was in the chair, nodding along to the music playing loudly in the studio. Chan almost didn’t say anything, partly not wanting to disturb the hyung but mostly because he was scared of what he was about to do and how Jihoon would react.

Finally seeming to sense another presence in the room, Jihoon whirled in his chair, a scathing retort on his lips that’s cut off the moment he recognizes Chan at the doorway. Instantly, the fight slips from his frame like a blanket, and he slumps in his chair. “Hi, Chan-ah,” he sighs, turning slightly as if trying to shield himself from Chan. That  _ hurts. _

“Hi, hyung,” Chan began, throat tight. “Can we talk?”

Jihoon paused, glancing briefly at the recording equipment, before nodding slightly. “Okay.”

Moving towards the sofa, Chan settled himself down nervously, trying to keep his hands from curling into tight fists. He took a few deep breaths before looking up into his hyung’s eyes and speaking. “I’m sorry I fainted last week.”

The older blinked, startled. Then his face changed into something firm. “You shouldn’t apologize for that. Just promise me you’ll take better care of yourself.”

He shook his head, realizing the disconnect between what he meant and what he said, and then backtracked at the look on Jihoon’s face. “No, hyung, I-I mean yes, I’ll take better care of myself, I promise! B-but that’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?” Jihoon sighed, exasperated.

“I meant, I’m sorry I changed things between us,” Chan said, fists clenching automatically. “I’m sorry I made things hard for you when I fainted on you.”

Jihoon’s mouth dropped open and he stared at Chan, gaze so intense that he dropped his own gaze to the floor, cheeks burning. Had he said the wrong thing? Had he messed up their relationship even more? Would they end up becoming stiff and awkward around each other and having to fake a close relationship when the cameras were on?

Then, there were hands prying his clenched fists open and a soft chuckle from above him. “Stupid maknae, worrying about everyone but himself.”

Startled, Chan tried to look up, but Jihoon released his hands and wrapped his arms around Chan’s torso. Jihoon was willingly hugging him. What had he done to deserve this? “We forget sometimes that even though we feel like we’ve been adults forever, we’re all still young, you especially. We’re still going to make stupid mistakes, and we’re still going to be selfless, and we’re still going to make stupid mistakes in what we think is selflessness. I don’t blame you for anything, Chan-ah. I’m just trying too hard to not treat you like a baby. You haven’t been a baby for a long time.”

Chan let out a shaky, relieved laugh that caught in his throat when he felt lips press a reassuring kiss into his hair. He glanced up, shocked, a question on his lips. “Hyung, what?” Why did Jihoon kiss him? Why did he kiss him  _ there? _ What did he  _ mean  _ by that kiss? Despite his words, did Jihoon still think of him as a kid? Or a younger brother? Or... something more?

When he met Jihoon’s eyes, something clicked into place. The older was giving him a fond look, one full of admiration and care. One that let Chan know that Jihoon didn’t think him as a kid.

Not even close.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i love you, iris ^_^
> 
> twitter: @thequietrecluse


End file.
